this is how #bornawakes® self-sabotage
hi friends! spirit here. i want to talk to you about a super-common, super-fixable dynamic i see #bornawakes® playing out CONSTANTLY. this is the dynamic of flipping back and forth between two opposing ideas. it’s a flip-flop between ‘i’m creating my reality’ and ‘i have to surrender to the universe.’
first, the #bornawake® makes an attempt to anchor their new perspective (the one they resonate with): i’m creating my reality, i am a spiritual master, i can manifest anything i want instantly. and then, they inevitably hit a snag or a point of resistance they can’t get past with tools designed for awakening beings. and so they say, nevermind. my instincts must have been off. i’m not really a master. i better do what everyone else is doing and surrender to ‘the flow’ of 3d. i’ll just sit back, wait for signs and look for ‘my purpose.’ clearly i am not one of the chosen ones who gets to create their reality. i am not good enough yet.
hearing this story from so many #bornawakes® breaks my heart. it is such a depressing cycle - one that i myself was stuck in for years. before i received the #bornawake® download i really didn’t understand what was going on with me. i didn’t understand why the tools that worked for everyone else didn’t work for me. i didn’t understand why i resonated so much with the idea of being the creator of my reality, and why i bristled at the idea of surrendering to the universe.
when i looked at my life i felt like i hadn’t ‘earned’ the right to call myself a master. my 3d reality wasn’t what i wanted it to be, at least not in all areas. based on traditional spiritual teachings designed for awakening beings, i was supposed to wait it out until my 3d life led me to the satisfaction i craved. but i just knew that was wrong for me. i didn’t know why, or what would feel RIGHT to me...but i knew i wasn’t meant to sit around and wait.
the problem was, the idea that we are creating our own reality was pretty much that. just an idea. when i tried to implement it i didn’t really know what to do. how do you translate that into a path of transformation? how do you BECOME the person who anchors this truth more and more deeply into your 3d life? (this is what we do in the portal, fyi. i created these tools because they don’t exist elsewhere).
basically this is what my life looked like before receiving the #bornawake® download:
i would spend a year to 18 months getting super gung-ho about creating the reality i desired. i would focus all my energy on manifesting exactly what i wanted. sometimes my manifestations would happen. sometimes they wouldn’t. but either way, i didn’t feel like i had learned any more about WHY the manifestation happened or didn’t happen. i wasn’t getting any clarity on the energetics at play behind things. i couldn’t tell you what made it easy for me to create what i wanted in some areas, and difficult in other areas. this despite the fact that i was a successful healer facilitating amazing transformations for my clients. this despite the fact that i had thousands of hours of training in reprogramming the subconscious mind, healing the nervous system from trauma, transforming the physical body with energy techniques to heal illness...the list goes on and on. it was still all through the perspective of what would work for awakening beings, and so none of it ever felt like it truly ‘fit’ me.
since this year to 18 months didn’t provide me with answers i would basically get sick of working so hard. even if i created what i had set out to create, it didn’t feel good. it felt like WORK. it felt like showing up for life every day wearing someone else’s bespoke tailored suit. no matter how many compliments i got on my outfit, it never quite felt right. (lame analogy - but we just write what comes through okay! lol). overwhelmed with exhaustion, ashamed of my own feelings that things should be easier, judging myself as arrogant, i would throw my hands in the air and give up. fine - i’ll wait for signs. i’ll sit back. i’ll meditate and ask to be shown my purpose or my path. i’ll follow whatever random opportunities show up in my life, and trust that they’ll lead me to ‘the thing.’
EW. obviously, that would feel way worse. i would lose sight of myself and become frantic, desperate and depressed. and then eventually i would swing back to trying to create my reality. which felt way better - but wasn’t concrete enough to truly implement.
it is so painful to even write about this cycle. it was truly the worst feeling in the world. especially when you know in your bones that none of the people you can go to for guidance will have any answers. i remember this being the most frustrating part for me. reaching out to teachers, old mentors etc about my struggles and seeing so clearly that they just did NOT understand what i was talking about. now i know that this is because i am #bornawake® and these people were awakening beings, so of course they didn’t really get it. they are here for a different experience than i am. but at the time it was so incredibly disheartening.
do you resonate with this dynamic?
if you are #bornawake® or wondering if maaaaybe you’re #bornawake® and you feel like i just saw into your soul...yay! you are NOT ALONE ANYMORE!!
being #bornawake® is definitely...different. the spiritual traditions and energetic techniques currently being offered just don’t really work for us. it’s because we have a different operating system, and we’ve incarnated here on earth for different reasons. (read more on that here and here).
i received the #bornawake® download in summer of 2019 and i can tell you quite honestly that since receiving that download my ENTIRE REALITY has transformed. every area of my life has improved drastically in 3d terms, but what brings me the most joy and pride is the internal satisfaction i feel every day. for the first time in my life, i wake up knowing that i am IN THE RIGHT PLACE. i no longer struggle with confusion about my path, my mission, or if i’m doing things right. i am so precisely where i am meant to be - because it’s where i WANT to be. thanks to the work i have created, i genuinely know that is enough. enough to build my dream life from, and enough to be worthy of that life.
if you are stuck in this flip-flop cycle, first of all choose to forgive yourself for not knowing better. forgive yourself for not having the resources or the tools, to do better. you are NOT alone in that.
take comfort in the knowledge that being #bornawake® is new. you’re a different type of being! of course you need different things. since the first wave of #bornawakes® came onto earth in the late 80s/early 90s, of COURSE you haven’t been able to find tools that work for you. how else could it be?
my entire mission and intention in creating this brand is for you to know that you are not alone. you are not defective, or broken. you are not arrogant for feeling that you have spiritual answers others are still seeking. you are not lazy or entitled for wanting life to be easy. you are not misguided in your desire to focus on the internal energetics and have everything else fall into place. YOU WANT THESE THINGS FOR A REASON.
if this is resonating...stick around. have a look around the blog. sign up for the portal. give these tools a try, and see if they work for you. i priced it super-low on purpose. i know how many times you’ve tried things and been let down.
when i received the #bornawake® download i asked how i would be able to find a community of beings like me. i was told: share the download, and the community will come. in the 2+ years since the download came in this has SO been my experience! i cannot tell you the joy i feel every time i get an email or a DM from someone saying, oh my god, i’m #bornawake®!! getting to be the human avatar that accepted this mission is SO fun for me. so please - if you’re out there and reading this, send a message! we would absolutely love to hear from you.
thanks for reading. sign up for the portal here, and get in touch here with any questions, comments or just to say hello. until next time!
xx SPIRIT